The Story of a Friendship
Every summer at FCA Camp, Marla Williams prays that God will reveal to her one or two Huddle Leaders He wants her to invest in during the week—athletes for whom she can be that sharpening iron of the Lord. This summer, her pre-camp prayers were answered with stunning clarity.

In the first staff meeting at FCA’s Black Mountain camp in North Carolina, Williams, an FCA staff member in Alabama, felt almost an immediate calling to two young women from the U.S. Naval Academy: Ali Currier, captain of the Navy’s basketball team, and Aubrey Manes, an outside hitter for the volleyball team.

Knowing her pending role as a spiritual support for the women, Williams realized she’d need reinforcements. She called her long-time accountability partner and former college roommate/soccer teammate, Sarah Canatsey, in Florida and relayed the names of the two Huddle Leaders, asking that she pray for them throughout the week. Canatsey, a camp veteran herself, responded without hesitation.

Honoring the Lord’s direction, Williams immediately began making an effort to get to know Currier and Manes, even joining them for a 6:00 a.m. run on Sunday before camp began.

“I just asked as many questions as I could,” Williams laughed, “mainly so that they would do all the talking and I could keep up with them.”

“It is really, ultimately, to bring each person closer to God,” said Manes.

“It’s driving each other deeper into the heart of God,” offered Williams.

“The biggest part of friendship is the ability to know God better,” shared Canatsey.

“The purpose of friendship is to turn each other’s face back to God,” added Currier.

It’s doubtful that Solomon could have said it any better.

But, as any of them will tell you, there’s a lot more to pointing a person’s face to God than just praying and encouraging. A friend may be called upon to wear any number of hats at any given time. He or she may need to be a cheerleader one day, a shoulder to cry on the next, a heavy hand in times of sin and a fellow soldier in intense spiritual battle.

True as anything in life, these women acknowledge that loving one’s friends is a choice—one that takes daily effort and selflessness.

In his 1898 book Friendship, which Canatsey distributed to the group as a helpful resource, Christian theologian Hugh Black offered helpful insight: “Sentiment does not amount to much, if it is not an inspiring force to lead to gentle and to generous deeds, when there is need. The fight is not so hard when we know we are not alone, but that there are some who think of us, and pray for us, and would gladly help us if they get the opportunity.”

Fallacy of Friendship
Before a successful attempt at the biblical standard can be achieved, you also must understand what a friendship is not. First and foremost (and everything in between, according to these four), friendship is not an opportunity to replace God.

Beyond idolatry, the group mentioned several other important points that must be addressed when discussing false definitions of friendship.

For instance, friendship is not:
1. An opportunity for gossip.
2. An invitation to absorb the life and habits of an admirable person.
3. An opportunity to dictate and monopolize someone’s schedule.
The last point is something the four women refer to as “stealing time.”

“You have to be planted where God has you, and we all have different realms,” Williams said. “Ali and Aubrey are both at the Naval Academy, but they have different realms there. Sarah is in Florida, and I’m in Alabama. We’ve all been planted in different circles of influence, and we all have to be present in each one. And there are times when we’ll have a great conversation on the phone, but we have to say, ‘I don’t need to steal your time. You need to go hang out with your roommate.’ That’s what it means to be present where you are.”

While they acknowledge that the refreshment and safety of the group is a vital necessity, they realize that it does not help anyone to abandon life outside of the circle simply because she is comfortable. Such behavior is regarded as either scared or lazy, and it does little to further the Kingdom of God.

“It’s like a game,” Williams explained. “Your team huddles up to get instructions and a pep talk, and then you go back out there and battle. The huddle is important because we need that encouragement and instruction so desperately; but if we spend all our time huddled up, we’ll never win the game. We won’t even enjoy the competition.”

Time for Friendship
Whereas some may find it tempting to spend too much time in the comfort zone of friends, others struggle to carve out the necessary time it takes to maximize a friendship at all.

Manes, who considers herself a constant “doer,” found it challenging at the onset of the friendship to slow down long enough to participate in the phone conversations. Over the course of time, however, she has come to realize what actions truly make a difference in eternity—what is worth it, and what is not.

“It takes time to relate to three other lives,” she shared. “Especially being here and balancing school and sports, it is so easy to get consumed that you forget about people’s hearts or your own heart. But I’ve really been shown that spiritual well-being is always more important than school or whatever else. If you take care of that first, then everything else is going to subsequently follow.”

Value of a Friendship
So many pitfalls. So many places to go wrong. Is friendship worth the time, tears and energy that it takes to keep it alive and healthy?

According to this group, yes. Undeniably. Without a doubt.

In fact, while each of the four women understands both the purpose and challenges of friendship well enough to recite them in virtual unison, the number of blessings they say they have received from each other beyond the spiritual growth were quite different. The only conclusion: The good outweighs the bad.

For Currier, it is rejoicing with her friends when God brings them victory. It is the safety of knowing she can share anything and not be judged. It is being able to help her friends see the Lord’s presence in their lives. “You watch what amazing things He is doing in and through your friend, and then you get to verbalize to them what He is doing in them. You are able to hold up a mirror to your friend and say, ‘Wow. Do you see how God is moving in you? He loves you something fierce!’”

For Williams, it is having someone there to call her to the carpet on things she either needs or does not need to be doing. It is learning more about God through what He is teaching each of them outside of their circle. It is being able to propel her friends to new heights in the Lord. “I always ask, ‘How do I make her a better teammate? How can I make her a better officer in the Marine Corps? How can I dream even bigger dreams for them than what they can dream for themselves? How can I sharpen them and make them more of what God has them to be already?’”

For Canatsey, it is realizing how much of a gift friendship truly is. It is knowing that she has friends who are going to battle for her in prayer. It is allowing God to provide accountability enough so that she will no longer deceive herself regarding sin. “Sometimes you are so used to yourself that you don’t see the whole picture. There is great vulnerability in speaking things out loud; and having somebody who has been given permission to call you out is invaluable.”

For Manes, it is learning to appreciate and cherish the differences in not only her friends but in all people. It is the encouragement of seeing smiling faces when she’s standing in front of a crowd. It is the confidence she receives from having sisters in Christ pursuing the same goals. “The utmost thing has been finding people who are truly seeking God and finding that that is enough. You might not even know them at first, but the commonality we have with God is enough. He will always go from there.”

The bottom line is this: God provides friends for a reason. But what these women have discovered is that how those relationships are handled is up to us. Mishandling them will lead only to pain and destruction. But following His guidelines and being a good steward of those friendships is the way to real ministry and blessing—worth more than anything of value on earth. Even better? The best iron anyone could ask for.