Jan/Feb 2010 Clay Meyer

Brandon Chan couldn’t believe the news when he arrived at Tucson High School (Ariz.) one morning. He had just seen his friend the day before, and everything had appeared to be fine. But as he ran from one person to the next hearing the same report, he realized it was real. His friend had taken his own life that very morning.

“He was always a nice kid,” said Chan, a senior football player at THS. “Nobody would have ever comprehended that he had thoughts of suicide. It was heartbreaking for me, and what hurt the most was that I never shared the love of Christ with him. Even though he attended a church, maybe it would have meant more to him coming from another teen’s point of view.”

Chan learned a lesson the hard way. Never again will he pass up the opportunity to tell others about Jesus. If there is a silver lining to this story at all, it may be in Chan’s newfound concern for his peers. The suicide opened his eyes to see how he used to shut out certain groups of students in his school.

“It has showed me that I need to act more like Jesus, spending time with the people who need Him more than anything else,” said Chan, also an FCA Huddle Leader. “We need to get out of our cliques and interact with everyone, even if the person is considered different. Jesus is more important than being popular.”

FCA Area Representative Hector Valenzuela, who leads the Tucson High Huddle and worked with the students following the suicide, continues to draw from the experience to reiterate how important it is for his Christian student-athletes to heed the calling they have to live as children of God.

“They carry the spirit of Jesus Christ within them,” Valenzuela said. “And by living their lives for Jesus they can save somebody’s life because they are showing that light.”

The Problem is Real

All around us, teens are dying. They are taking their own lives because they don’t feel important to anyone or have never been told about the one and only Giver of true life: Jesus Christ. If only someone would listen and care. If someone would just reach out it would make such a difference.

 One of the most discouraging aspects of the ever-increasing teen suicide trend is the lack of communication about the topic. Everyone, in varying degrees, gets uncomfortable talking about it and would often rather sweep it under the rug than stare it down and take a stand against it.

What will it take to make us wake up and realize the magnitude of the problem? For one, it will take people of great strength and faith who are willing to use the voices and hearts God gave them—Christ-followers who realize that the true price of inaction is more costly than any we want to pay.

Open Your Eyes and Ears
About every two hours in the United States, one 15- to 24-yearold takes his or her own life. Suicide now ranks as the third leading cause of death in adolescents.* While the statistics are alarming, it may be more frightening to note that there are often very few warning signs to predict who is at risk.

Dr. Steven Gerali, author of the book What Do I Do When Teenagers are Depressed and Contemplate Suicide? states that many times students appear to be enjoying life on the outside but are being tormented emotionally on the inside. They are besieged with a lack of purpose and extreme loneliness, which ultimately leads to depression and withdrawal.

“Whether they are positive or negative shifts, you should monitor teens’ emotional changes,” Gerali said. “Situational cues can also serve as warning signs, but be especially mindful of teens who are isolating themselves or withdrawing from others.”

Like wolves isolating a targeted lamb from its fold, the enemy begins to poison the minds of teens who have removed themselves more and more from others, making them believe that nobody would notice, much less care, if they were gone. When this message is the only one ringing in their minds, subtle warning signs can surface—signs like joking about not being around much longer, focusing on certain dates, or no longer making plans for the future.

Awareness is key in recognizing a cry for help. Simply being aware that these actions can indicate a problem allows a person to reach out and make a significant difference in the life of a troubled teen. Thankfully, it is not an oversimplified idea to note that just being in someone’s presence is the easiest way to help prevent a suicide.

Even more preventative is the action of making ourselves available to talk to and support a person who we believe may be showing signs of suicidal behavior. According to Gerali, if we are comfortable bringing up the topic of suicide, we should. He noted that it is a misconception to think that mentioning suicide will lead a person to actually do it. Rather, by bringing it to light, we can explore what the person is really thinking and ideally lead them to a professional counselor for help.

Above all, Gerali said, letting a person know they are not alone is the biggest key. We can talk for hours about the hope we have in Christ, but, until a person understands that we really care, they will never hear us.

Turning Tragedy into Ministry
In the event that we do have to face the suicide of a peer or student, we must be prepared. One of the most difficult yet undiscussed parts of dealing with a suicide are the inevitable feelings of guilt that survivors experience in wishing they would have done or said something to keep the situation from happening. When this guilt is paired with the shame associated with suicide, it isn’t difficult to understand why, despite its prevalence, the topic is so uncomfortable to discuss.

Brandon Chan is one of many students around the country facing emotions and experiences that are seemingly beyond their years of maturity. But, through FCA and other campus ministries, they are able to cope with the situations and turn them into opportunities to reach other students who are trying to handle the loss.

Fredericksburg, Va., FCA Area Director Kerry O’Neill has served in three different regions since coming on staff in 1990 and, sadly, has faced the issue of teen suicide in each one. Through those experiences, however, he has seen the powerful binding together of students who have lifted one another up after tragedy.

In these situations, people may turn to us as followers of Christ, and we should then make it known that the love of Christ and His love through us is available every single day. But, in order for that to happen, our ears, hearts and minds must remain open to those around us.

Ultimately, students just want to be heard and to be shown that they are important and have a purpose. Fellow students, teachers and FCA leaders have the ability to show them purpose and value through Jesus Christ. Two powerful verses to communicate this point, according to O’Neill, are Ephesians 2:10 (“For we are His creation—created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time so that we should walk in them.”) and Hebrews 13:5 (“…for He Himself has said, I will never leave you or forsake you.”).

Whether it is speaking these words of truth to a teen searching for help or just being a channel to connect those who need it to the right people for healing and support, we are never too far removed to make a difference.

“The blessing I see with FCA is that, if it’s not us, we can all be at least like quarterbacks and orchestrate the people who can do the ministry of healing,” O’Neill
said. “I think being a resource and connecting through relationships is key. We can’t just go in, share Bible verses, share a sermon and buzz out. Being in relationship with people is really what brings lasting change.”

Don’t Wait to Change
Any time a teen commits suicide it is tragic, and the inevitable feelings of guilt and anger are sure to follow. While we must take time to heal and process those emotions, we must eventually take up our role as representatives of Christ and use those situations to make a difference in the lives of those around us. It’s a sensitive, scary topic to encounter, but acknowledging it exists is the first step to counteracting it.

We can’t wait for a suicide to happen before we change our way of life and our witness. Living in relationship with those around us is simple, but too often we pass up the opportunities to cultivate them. It’s time to change. We must go beyond ourselves and make the effort to reach out to people with the love of Christ. It will never be too high a price to save a life.

Photo courtesy New Song Pictures